[ Fortunately, Noctis is just as impatient as Ignis is, shifting to tug his shirt over his head, tossing it carelessly to the side -- it's the first time he's shirtless in front of Ignis, but rather than covering up, he's taking the chance to push Ignis' shirt over his shoulders too, leaning up to steal a kiss before he can do anything else, fingers coming to pinch playfully at a nipple, free hand coming to rest on his waist. ]
Mmm. Better. No one's at home, right...?
[ Noctis asks in between kisses, hand deciding to roam from waist to chest to back, as if mapping out every inch of him by touch alone. ]
No one's home, the door is locked — mmm — the chickens are preoccupied, and the chocobos are fed.
[There will be no hilarious romcom interruptions today, not if Ignis Scientia has anything to say about it.]
Mmn. Hold on, I want to be able to reach you, too...
[And somehow, holding himself up over Noctis has become unsatisfactory in the meantime, so Ignis eases himself down onto his side next to Noctis and fits up against him, catching hold and tugging until Noct is on his side too, facing each other with just a few scant inches of space between them.]
Better.
[Because now, at least, he's supported by the mattress while his hands wander the same way that Noct's are, and so that he can arch hissing into the touch of Noct's hands without worrying about losing his balance or falling.]
Okay, you're really sexy when you cover all your bases.
[ Noctis really has to tell him that, because he's so hot for it and he's pretty sure he just wants to make out with him even more fiercely. Ignis making sure that they won't be disturbed is seriously hot, and he's happily pliant when they're on their sides facing each other.
He's smiling, reaching out to cup his cheek, to lean in to steal a kiss as he drapes a leg over his hip, drawing him closer. He's making a soft noise of approval when Ignis touches him in turn, and he can feel his heart race, his desire coiling. ]
Well, yeah. Do you know how difficult it is for me to focus?
[ Noctis asks him, because it's really, really hard, Ignis. And speaking of hard, maybe Noctis is a little, too. He's tangled with him, grinding gently against Ignis before he knows it, the jolt of pleasure making him squirm. ]
You'd be doing something normal or random, with your sleeves rolled up and your hair down and I've got even more material to think about when I'm -- ah... on my own. Do you even realise how hot you are?
[Well, well. This conversation is taking an interesting turn, then, isn't it? And so is the tenor of their fooling around, with those little uncertain movements of Noct's that almost make it seem like he's doing it unconsciously, startled by the pleasure he finds and instinctively trying to seek out more.
Gently, he skims his hand down Noct's side until he finds his hip, and when he reaches it he cups his hand against it and pulls him a little more firmly against him, mostly from wanting to see the reaction he'll get.]
Tell me what part you like best. Is it the sleeves? The hair?
[ Noctis gasps when Ignis does it more deliberately, pulling him up against him. His gaze darkens, becomes sharper with intent -- because while Noctis hasn't done this before he's not naive. He wants Ignis, that's the bottom line; he wants him in every way he can have him, and so he deliberately grinds up against his hips, hands coming to rest on his ass because he can do that now -- he can touch Ignis' butt without it being weird.
He looks up at him, languidly rocking against him, feeling so good that he doesn't care that he's dry-humping his boyfriend right now. ]
It's the whole package. It's the way you look when you're focusing on something. That light frown in your brows.
[ One hand comes up to touch lightly between them, warm and playful. Another -- ]
When you get things done so quickly, it's like nothing else matters. And you -- I love how you think, how you're probably smarter than everyone in here. I bet you're thinking of a hundred different things right now as we're doing this.
Or thinking of one thing a hundred different ways.
[Most notably: the way Noct's eyes darken when he discovers something he likes, and susses out the path available to him to take it. That comes easily in tandem with the way he's thinking about the placement of Noct's hands, the syncopation of the way he hasn't quite found a rhythm yet because he's still too uncertain to commit to one. There's the warmth radiating off of his freshly-bathed skin and the taste of the soap they'd used, the way his drying hair is fluffing up to frame his face and how his mouth has gone soft at the corners in a way that makes it look even more kissable than usual.
And there's the fact that it feels good for him, too. It feels good, not just from the physical sensation but from being noticed at all, being appreciated like this. It feels good to bask in the warmth of someone's love, and even moreso for it to be the reciprocated feelings of the one person he loves more than life itself.]
I'd — say it's a bit more that, than the other. Right now.
[ Noctis snorts at that response, unable to help himself. Ignis is being pedantic now, he knows, but it's so ultimately him that Noctis can't help but tease, soft lips parted as he quips. ]
To-MAY-to, to-MAH-to, Iggy.
[ he's seeking him out again, kissing him softly, warmly, his hips grinding up against him in small circles as he searches out his pleasure, seeking to figure out Ignis' too, wanting to return as much as he gives. He can't look away all the same, because there's a sweetness to Ignis' expression when he realises he's being appreciated, when Noctis details everything he knows and loves about him and he continues. ]
You've done so much for me. For all of us.
[ he continues softly, his other hand coming up to stroke Ignis' cheek, gentle and affectionate. ] I've never really thanked you for everything. Cooking, strategising, making sure we stayed alive, driving everywhere... what would I have done without you?
[But there's a fine, distinct difference between what he insists — which is entirely true — and what Noct is getting at, which is also just as valid. His service has never been about receiving recognition for what he does; he would've been drummed out of Noct's inner circle years ago if anything he did had ever been for personal glory.
But that doesn't mean he doesn't still cherish the appreciation. It doesn't mean he's not still glad that it hasn't been taken for granted.]
You've such a kind, noble heart...and if the reason you have it is because I was there to ensure you could, then it's worth it.
[ No, it was never about being thanked, not with Ignis. He wouldn't have been here, faithful and loyal above all else. There are many, many places a man of his talent could have gone, and Noctis knows without a doubt that Ignis has stayed for other reasons. His hand moves, cupping his cheek before he swiftly follows, lips pressing warmly against his.
Ignis says he's worth it -- all the pain and grief and all their fights, and then at the end of the day he smiles at him like this and tells him he's worth it, and Noctis just about melts, sliding his arm around him to tug him closer. He's gently removing his glasses, too; all the better to see those beautiful green eyes with, and he's pressing his thigh between both of Ignis' own, wanting to give him a taste of how he's feeling. ]
You're sappy.
[ He says softly, affectionately, bumping his nose to his. Maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay after all. ]
[His breath catches just a little, though, when Noctis reaches for his glasses and eases them away; it's such a little thing, but it's one of those gestures that hits him particularly significantly with how quietly intimate it is. It makes it that much easier to reach up and cup Noct's cheek in one hand, pulling him down for the kiss he wants.]
...I'm glad you're home, darling.
[And he realizes, belatedly, that what he'd meant to say was I'm glad you're back, and he almost amends it — except that home these days is perhaps less of a place and more just the state of the two of them being together, and if that's the case then it needs no changing to begin with.]
[ Noctis murmurs, his breath catching as he hears Ignis say it. How he calls him 'darling' again, so intimate and soft, so tender that it makes his heart ache. Home, he thinks, his hand coming to rest over Ignis' chest, his beating heart -- home is with the people he loves. Home is being in Ignis' arms, and he's shifting to press soft kisses to his jaw before meeting his lips, kissing him deeply, fully, over and over again.
He manages a small smile when the kisses taper off, a flicker of amusement and a lot of wistful longing in his voice. ]
Right here with you. Think it'll be okay if we spend all our days just lying in?
[But lest that sound like a protest, he's quick to catch Noct's mouth in a kiss again, followed by another and another, before at least he pulls back and offers up a dryly amused smile of his own.]
[ Noctis tells him cheesily, a weak attempt at a joke. But it definitely means he's in a better mood, and he snuggles up against him, rubbing his thigh up more deliberately between his legs, curious. ]
[And really, he's only human, and what Noct is doing feels undeniably good; for all that he's been trying to maintain a modicum of decorum to let feelings come first and physicality second, he can't keep back a quiet gasp as Noct cuddles closer and increases the friction between them all in one shot.]
Mm, keep doing that — is it, is it good for you, too?
[ Clearly they're slowly but switching to another gear, where emotions are comfortably taking the passenger seat compared to desire. Noctis has noticed that impressive, impeccable restraint and he's grateful to him from it, but Noctis hasn't forgotten what Ignis has asked of him earlier, how he would have liked to take things further, and it's time, isn't it?
Noctis has always wondered just what lay beyond the invisible boundaries, the lines they have always kept to, but now, perhaps, it's time for a little shift and push as they continue to discover each other. Ignis' pleasure makes him hopeful, and he's fascinated by it, pleased by the fact that he's the only one who can make Ignis gasp like that, when he asks him to keep doing it.
So he does, intrigued, his hand coming to rest possessively on the small of his back, keeping them both close. ]
Yeah. Yeah, I'm good -- I really like watching your expressions.
[He's teasing, however, because he's well aware that he's not innocent of that, either. Astrals know he's expressed himself again and again on the topic of Noct's eyes, and the fascinating duality of masculine and feminine in his features, and to have all of that trained back on him as though he's something just as precious in return — ]
Wait, wait a moment.
[He releases one hand's hold on Noctis, just long enough to fumble for one of the blankets they're lying on, and pushes it down and free of their weight so that he can pull it up and around them instead, to help keep some of the warmth in.]
Better. I won't have you catching cold.
[Certainly not, as he ducks down and sets his teeth against one of Noct's collarbones.]
I think you should look into the mirror and see how hot you are.
[ Ignis is a catch, as beautiful as he is capable, and an outlier in the adage that gods didn't give with both hands -- after all, it doesn't explain Ignis. He only pauses when Ignis asks him to, smiling when he tugs the covers over both of them. The days are definitely getting chillier, and the covers so clean and soft that Noctis can't help but snuggle in.
He's gasping, too, tilting his head back to give him more access before his hand tentatively comes to brush between Ignis' legs. He's pushing boundaries here, testing him, wanting to know how far Ignis would let him go. ]
[It occurs to him distantly, dizzily, that it may just be that Noct's interest in what they're doing doesn't lie primarily in receiving pleasure for his own benefit, but in having the ability to dole it out onto someone else. And that's unusually hard for him to wrap his thoughts around, somehow; Noctis is back from a long stay in the woods, weary and half-miserable from the ordeals he's been through, and every instinct Ignis possesses tells him that the right thing to do is to surround Noctis with care, and dote on him, and comfort him until he feels better.
But that's not how this is playing out. There's something active in Noctis, something craving agency, something that yearns to give even when it makes no sense that he should be so desperate to, when his fate already demands so much. But here he is, wanting to explore, wanting to be the reason Ignis feels good, and it's so hard to let go of the need to serve that he almost forgets to remind himself that in a way, this still is.
He's still giving Noctis something he needs, like this. He's giving him the gift of a chance. The liberty to make his own decisions. The control to affect the world and the people around him, instead of being pulled along on puppet strings.
He never doubts that Noctis loves him, but sometimes it takes a moment like this for him to remember that for Noctis, love is an active verb. Love is something to be done, something to act out, not just something to feel and reflect on. And this is Noctis loving him, showing his need to love him, seeking the security of loving someone so much and getting to see how that affects them right before his eyes, when so many other things he loves have disappeared from his sight.
Noctis loves him.
All of a sudden, unexpectedly, abruptly, Ignis finds himself left feeling vulnerable beneath the sheer force of that realization, with his perpetual role of protector turned soundly on his head as he realizes, not for the first time and not for the last, that Noctis might just feel the same way about him that he'd felt in Altissia — that same love that had spurred him on like wildfire in his veins.
It may just be that Noctis loves him like that.
And if that's how it is...then that means that he is someone who is loved like that, someone worthy of receiving that sort of devotion — and recognizing that renders him lost all over again.]
Noct —
[He draws back just a bit, eyes gone glassy with understanding, and searches out the unfathomable blue of Noct's night-sky gaze.]
Better than a mirror is just seeing the way you look at me.
[ This is Ignis, who knows Noctis better than he knows himself, who loves him so very deeply that he can see through to his soul, to know what he needs before Noctis even realizes it. Ignis is right, on all counts; to give pleasure is to have agency. To be the cause of what's making Ignis feels good makes him feel good, to know that he at least has some measure of control in something, and not left to the grand old fates to decide.
This, here, is so important to him for reasons that Ignis has articulated, and when he yields and allows Noctis the space to do it, the young king is wordlessly grateful and pleased -- they fit together like a hand in a glove, seamlessly coming together without a word, and he can't tear his eyes away from the beauty that is Ignis Scientia, surrendering to what Noctis offers, what he promises.
Noctis loves him, he's always loved him -- ever since they were children and Noctis hadn't been sure what the definition was, when he became a teenager, moody and prickly and more skilled at pushing people away than keeping them close. And here they are, now, like a switch had been flipped between them and everything has come back full circle. Noctis feels deeply, so deeply for him. It's a bond that's deeper than friendship and brotherhood, stronger than love, and he can't help but smile as he hears him say his name.
Gods, but he loves it when Ignis says that, breathy and soft and like he's giving over control to him, and Noctis is caught in that very spell, woven so delicately by Ignis himself. In his eyes, the weariness falls away, becomes something else -- Ignis makes him feel like he's worth something, like he can damn well do anything. ]
Yeah...? Tell me how you think I'm looking at you.
[ He asks softly, breath catching in his throat as he continues, stroking him through his pants, heart pounding at how forward it is, how they've officially gone farther than they've ever had before. ]
[For a second, his extensive vocabulary fails him; his calm confidence fumbles, and he has to search for the words he wants, unsure of how to properly articulate the thoughts stirred up inside him as he tries to find a way of expressing a feeling he knows, but somehow finds so difficult to name.
He'll get it wrong, he thinks uncertainly. He'll get it wrong, it won't come out right, but they're both baring their bodies and souls at this point, so how can he do anything less but try?]
Like I'm a person.
[It's a start, but it's not right; he closes his eyes, reaching to hold on to Noctis, like he's suddenly concerned that if he doesn't, his fumbling words will make his prince disappear.]
Like I'm more than someone else's this or that. Like who I am isn't defined by a relationship to someone else. Servant of the crown, hand of the king, advisor to the prince — my worth has always been in how valuable a tool I am to someone else.
[He draws in a shivering breath.]
Except when you look at me. In your eyes, I'm only...myself. Because that's all you ask me to be.
[ It breaks his heart that this is surprising to Ignis, or something of any note. Noctis has never needed him to be any more than who he is, which is already pretty damn great, and yet, all his life he has been groomed to be by his side as his right hand.
And now, here they are. They're careful, searching out the best way to approach each other, learning from so many, many past mistakes, from the little snippets of each other they've discovered along the way. Noctis has learned much about Ignis and has loved him all the more for it. He's cupping his face and leaning to kiss him, admiring the vulnerability in his eyes, and how, right now, he seems even more human, open and young and soft.
He's shaking his head at him before pursuing him for another kiss. ] You're not a tool -- you're Ignis. A person. [ My person. ] Enough, and too damn amazing.
[They kiss, and they kiss again, and at length Ignis reaches up to carefully slip his fingertips between them, covering over Noct's mouth so that he has a chance to get his thoughts out without fear of losing them to another flurry of much-welcomed kisses.]
But it would be so easy, wouldn't it? For this to be the same. It would be so easy for "your boyfriend" to become just one more mantle I wear — just one more thing I am as an extension of you.
[He draws in a soft breath.]
But you never let me. You make me, always, meet you as an equal. Do you have any idea how...meaningful that is...
[ It doesn't occur to him that this would be a momentous thing for Ignis -- it hadn't occurred to him that perhaps Ignis needs this, too, and Noctis feels his own heart stir. He's momentarily thwarted from kissing that pretty, pretty mouth, and Noctis listens, hands coming to rest on Ignis' chest, to feel the familiar rhythm of his heart.
It would be easy, he supposes, but that's not what Noctis wants. He's lived most of his life being put on a damn pedestal, and what he loves about his friends is that to a great extent they don't do that, and to slowly but definitely wean Ignis off of it is the order of the day, too.
He presses his nose to his now, a small smile tugging at his mouth. ]
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no subject
Mmm. Better. No one's at home, right...?
[ Noctis asks in between kisses, hand deciding to roam from waist to chest to back, as if mapping out every inch of him by touch alone. ]
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[There will be no hilarious romcom interruptions today, not if Ignis Scientia has anything to say about it.]
Mmn. Hold on, I want to be able to reach you, too...
[And somehow, holding himself up over Noctis has become unsatisfactory in the meantime, so Ignis eases himself down onto his side next to Noctis and fits up against him, catching hold and tugging until Noct is on his side too, facing each other with just a few scant inches of space between them.]
Better.
[Because now, at least, he's supported by the mattress while his hands wander the same way that Noct's are, and so that he can arch hissing into the touch of Noct's hands without worrying about losing his balance or falling.]
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[ Noctis really has to tell him that, because he's so hot for it and he's pretty sure he just wants to make out with him even more fiercely. Ignis making sure that they won't be disturbed is seriously hot, and he's happily pliant when they're on their sides facing each other.
He's smiling, reaching out to cup his cheek, to lean in to steal a kiss as he drapes a leg over his hip, drawing him closer. He's making a soft noise of approval when Ignis touches him in turn, and he can feel his heart race, his desire coiling. ]
I want more.
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[The response comes automatic, effortless, and then it hits him.]
...D'you find me sexy all the time, Noct?
[Not that it's exactly hard to guess when they're side by side on the mattress, slowly gravitating toward tangling up together.]
That sounds as though it must be very difficult...
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[ Noctis asks him, because it's really, really hard, Ignis. And speaking of hard, maybe Noctis is a little, too. He's tangled with him, grinding gently against Ignis before he knows it, the jolt of pleasure making him squirm. ]
You'd be doing something normal or random, with your sleeves rolled up and your hair down and I've got even more material to think about when I'm -- ah... on my own. Do you even realise how hot you are?
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Gently, he skims his hand down Noct's side until he finds his hip, and when he reaches it he cups his hand against it and pulls him a little more firmly against him, mostly from wanting to see the reaction he'll get.]
Tell me what part you like best. Is it the sleeves? The hair?
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He looks up at him, languidly rocking against him, feeling so good that he doesn't care that he's dry-humping his boyfriend right now. ]
It's the whole package. It's the way you look when you're focusing on something. That light frown in your brows.
[ One hand comes up to touch lightly between them, warm and playful. Another -- ]
When you get things done so quickly, it's like nothing else matters. And you -- I love how you think, how you're probably smarter than everyone in here. I bet you're thinking of a hundred different things right now as we're doing this.
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[Most notably: the way Noct's eyes darken when he discovers something he likes, and susses out the path available to him to take it. That comes easily in tandem with the way he's thinking about the placement of Noct's hands, the syncopation of the way he hasn't quite found a rhythm yet because he's still too uncertain to commit to one. There's the warmth radiating off of his freshly-bathed skin and the taste of the soap they'd used, the way his drying hair is fluffing up to frame his face and how his mouth has gone soft at the corners in a way that makes it look even more kissable than usual.
And there's the fact that it feels good for him, too. It feels good, not just from the physical sensation but from being noticed at all, being appreciated like this. It feels good to bask in the warmth of someone's love, and even moreso for it to be the reciprocated feelings of the one person he loves more than life itself.]
I'd — say it's a bit more that, than the other. Right now.
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To-MAY-to, to-MAH-to, Iggy.
[ he's seeking him out again, kissing him softly, warmly, his hips grinding up against him in small circles as he searches out his pleasure, seeking to figure out Ignis' too, wanting to return as much as he gives. He can't look away all the same, because there's a sweetness to Ignis' expression when he realises he's being appreciated, when Noctis details everything he knows and loves about him and he continues. ]
You've done so much for me. For all of us.
[ he continues softly, his other hand coming up to stroke Ignis' cheek, gentle and affectionate. ] I've never really thanked you for everything. Cooking, strategising, making sure we stayed alive, driving everywhere... what would I have done without you?
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[But there's a fine, distinct difference between what he insists — which is entirely true — and what Noct is getting at, which is also just as valid. His service has never been about receiving recognition for what he does; he would've been drummed out of Noct's inner circle years ago if anything he did had ever been for personal glory.
But that doesn't mean he doesn't still cherish the appreciation. It doesn't mean he's not still glad that it hasn't been taken for granted.]
You've such a kind, noble heart...and if the reason you have it is because I was there to ensure you could, then it's worth it.
[He smiles softly, almost beatific.]
You're worth it.
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Ignis says he's worth it -- all the pain and grief and all their fights, and then at the end of the day he smiles at him like this and tells him he's worth it, and Noctis just about melts, sliding his arm around him to tug him closer. He's gently removing his glasses, too; all the better to see those beautiful green eyes with, and he's pressing his thigh between both of Ignis' own, wanting to give him a taste of how he's feeling. ]
You're sappy.
[ He says softly, affectionately, bumping his nose to his. Maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay after all. ]
Come kiss me again, sappy dude.
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[His breath catches just a little, though, when Noctis reaches for his glasses and eases them away; it's such a little thing, but it's one of those gestures that hits him particularly significantly with how quietly intimate it is. It makes it that much easier to reach up and cup Noct's cheek in one hand, pulling him down for the kiss he wants.]
...I'm glad you're home, darling.
[And he realizes, belatedly, that what he'd meant to say was I'm glad you're back, and he almost amends it — except that home these days is perhaps less of a place and more just the state of the two of them being together, and if that's the case then it needs no changing to begin with.]
no subject
[ Noctis murmurs, his breath catching as he hears Ignis say it. How he calls him 'darling' again, so intimate and soft, so tender that it makes his heart ache. Home, he thinks, his hand coming to rest over Ignis' chest, his beating heart -- home is with the people he loves. Home is being in Ignis' arms, and he's shifting to press soft kisses to his jaw before meeting his lips, kissing him deeply, fully, over and over again.
He manages a small smile when the kisses taper off, a flicker of amusement and a lot of wistful longing in his voice. ]
Right here with you. Think it'll be okay if we spend all our days just lying in?
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[But lest that sound like a protest, he's quick to catch Noct's mouth in a kiss again, followed by another and another, before at least he pulls back and offers up a dryly amused smile of his own.]
There's nowhere to fish in here.
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[ Noctis tells him cheesily, a weak attempt at a joke. But it definitely means he's in a better mood, and he snuggles up against him, rubbing his thigh up more deliberately between his legs, curious. ]
You said you wanted more?
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[And really, he's only human, and what Noct is doing feels undeniably good; for all that he's been trying to maintain a modicum of decorum to let feelings come first and physicality second, he can't keep back a quiet gasp as Noct cuddles closer and increases the friction between them all in one shot.]
Mm, keep doing that — is it, is it good for you, too?
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Noctis has always wondered just what lay beyond the invisible boundaries, the lines they have always kept to, but now, perhaps, it's time for a little shift and push as they continue to discover each other. Ignis' pleasure makes him hopeful, and he's fascinated by it, pleased by the fact that he's the only one who can make Ignis gasp like that, when he asks him to keep doing it.
So he does, intrigued, his hand coming to rest possessively on the small of his back, keeping them both close. ]
Yeah. Yeah, I'm good -- I really like watching your expressions.
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[He's teasing, however, because he's well aware that he's not innocent of that, either. Astrals know he's expressed himself again and again on the topic of Noct's eyes, and the fascinating duality of masculine and feminine in his features, and to have all of that trained back on him as though he's something just as precious in return — ]
Wait, wait a moment.
[He releases one hand's hold on Noctis, just long enough to fumble for one of the blankets they're lying on, and pushes it down and free of their weight so that he can pull it up and around them instead, to help keep some of the warmth in.]
Better. I won't have you catching cold.
[Certainly not, as he ducks down and sets his teeth against one of Noct's collarbones.]
Will you mind it, if I leave a mark...?
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[ Ignis is a catch, as beautiful as he is capable, and an outlier in the adage that gods didn't give with both hands -- after all, it doesn't explain Ignis. He only pauses when Ignis asks him to, smiling when he tugs the covers over both of them. The days are definitely getting chillier, and the covers so clean and soft that Noctis can't help but snuggle in.
He's gasping, too, tilting his head back to give him more access before his hand tentatively comes to brush between Ignis' legs. He's pushing boundaries here, testing him, wanting to know how far Ignis would let him go. ]
I -- please.
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But that's not how this is playing out. There's something active in Noctis, something craving agency, something that yearns to give even when it makes no sense that he should be so desperate to, when his fate already demands so much. But here he is, wanting to explore, wanting to be the reason Ignis feels good, and it's so hard to let go of the need to serve that he almost forgets to remind himself that in a way, this still is.
He's still giving Noctis something he needs, like this. He's giving him the gift of a chance. The liberty to make his own decisions. The control to affect the world and the people around him, instead of being pulled along on puppet strings.
He never doubts that Noctis loves him, but sometimes it takes a moment like this for him to remember that for Noctis, love is an active verb. Love is something to be done, something to act out, not just something to feel and reflect on. And this is Noctis loving him, showing his need to love him, seeking the security of loving someone so much and getting to see how that affects them right before his eyes, when so many other things he loves have disappeared from his sight.
Noctis loves him.
All of a sudden, unexpectedly, abruptly, Ignis finds himself left feeling vulnerable beneath the sheer force of that realization, with his perpetual role of protector turned soundly on his head as he realizes, not for the first time and not for the last, that Noctis might just feel the same way about him that he'd felt in Altissia — that same love that had spurred him on like wildfire in his veins.
It may just be that Noctis loves him like that.
And if that's how it is...then that means that he is someone who is loved like that, someone worthy of receiving that sort of devotion — and recognizing that renders him lost all over again.]
Noct —
[He draws back just a bit, eyes gone glassy with understanding, and searches out the unfathomable blue of Noct's night-sky gaze.]
Better than a mirror is just seeing the way you look at me.
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This, here, is so important to him for reasons that Ignis has articulated, and when he yields and allows Noctis the space to do it, the young king is wordlessly grateful and pleased -- they fit together like a hand in a glove, seamlessly coming together without a word, and he can't tear his eyes away from the beauty that is Ignis Scientia, surrendering to what Noctis offers, what he promises.
Noctis loves him, he's always loved him -- ever since they were children and Noctis hadn't been sure what the definition was, when he became a teenager, moody and prickly and more skilled at pushing people away than keeping them close. And here they are, now, like a switch had been flipped between them and everything has come back full circle. Noctis feels deeply, so deeply for him. It's a bond that's deeper than friendship and brotherhood, stronger than love, and he can't help but smile as he hears him say his name.
Gods, but he loves it when Ignis says that, breathy and soft and like he's giving over control to him, and Noctis is caught in that very spell, woven so delicately by Ignis himself. In his eyes, the weariness falls away, becomes something else -- Ignis makes him feel like he's worth something, like he can damn well do anything. ]
Yeah...? Tell me how you think I'm looking at you.
[ He asks softly, breath catching in his throat as he continues, stroking him through his pants, heart pounding at how forward it is, how they've officially gone farther than they've ever had before. ]
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[For a second, his extensive vocabulary fails him; his calm confidence fumbles, and he has to search for the words he wants, unsure of how to properly articulate the thoughts stirred up inside him as he tries to find a way of expressing a feeling he knows, but somehow finds so difficult to name.
He'll get it wrong, he thinks uncertainly. He'll get it wrong, it won't come out right, but they're both baring their bodies and souls at this point, so how can he do anything less but try?]
Like I'm a person.
[It's a start, but it's not right; he closes his eyes, reaching to hold on to Noctis, like he's suddenly concerned that if he doesn't, his fumbling words will make his prince disappear.]
Like I'm more than someone else's this or that. Like who I am isn't defined by a relationship to someone else. Servant of the crown, hand of the king, advisor to the prince — my worth has always been in how valuable a tool I am to someone else.
[He draws in a shivering breath.]
Except when you look at me. In your eyes, I'm only...myself. Because that's all you ask me to be.
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[ It breaks his heart that this is surprising to Ignis, or something of any note. Noctis has never needed him to be any more than who he is, which is already pretty damn great, and yet, all his life he has been groomed to be by his side as his right hand.
And now, here they are. They're careful, searching out the best way to approach each other, learning from so many, many past mistakes, from the little snippets of each other they've discovered along the way. Noctis has learned much about Ignis and has loved him all the more for it. He's cupping his face and leaning to kiss him, admiring the vulnerability in his eyes, and how, right now, he seems even more human, open and young and soft.
He's shaking his head at him before pursuing him for another kiss. ] You're not a tool -- you're Ignis. A person. [ My person. ] Enough, and too damn amazing.
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[They kiss, and they kiss again, and at length Ignis reaches up to carefully slip his fingertips between them, covering over Noct's mouth so that he has a chance to get his thoughts out without fear of losing them to another flurry of much-welcomed kisses.]
But it would be so easy, wouldn't it? For this to be the same. It would be so easy for "your boyfriend" to become just one more mantle I wear — just one more thing I am as an extension of you.
[He draws in a soft breath.]
But you never let me. You make me, always, meet you as an equal. Do you have any idea how...meaningful that is...
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It would be easy, he supposes, but that's not what Noctis wants. He's lived most of his life being put on a damn pedestal, and what he loves about his friends is that to a great extent they don't do that, and to slowly but definitely wean Ignis off of it is the order of the day, too.
He presses his nose to his now, a small smile tugging at his mouth. ]
I want you to show me. What's Ignis the man like?
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