I don't have to stand to cook. You can find a stool, I'll put my knee on it...
[He hisses sharply, however, when Noct's fingers touch his ankle, which betrays the damage; even such a light, ginger touch is enough to set the nerves zinging.]
...Please.
[Again, this takes so much out of him, but he curls his fingers in Noct's sleeve and swallows his pride as deep as he can.]
Noct, please. Don't make me resign myself to being...useless. Please.
[ Noctis says sharply, more sharply than he's intended, and for a moment he's sorry about it. He takes a breath now, trying to get his thoughts in order before he can say it properly. Noctis has never been very good with words, but this demands that he puts thought into it, the care that he feels for Ignis but can never set into words.
Ignis' foot is badly sprained, and he knows it's going to take more than a week for it to be better, and he shakes his head. ]
You're hurt. You need time for it to get better -- it's not a matter of whether you're useless or not, because you never are. Do you get me? You've suffered under the sirens, and nobody's going to blame you for needing a few days to get back on your feet.
[Stung, and startled by the edge that comes with the sound of his name, he releases Noct's sleeve in an instant and almost but doesn't quite sit back, uncertain and burdened with the hefty weight of Noct's disapproval.
The rejection of his pleading aches almost as much as the humiliation of pleading in the first place; swallowing hard, he ducks his head and stays silent for a moment, chewing on his lower lip until that starts to ache, too.]
Is that what you think this is about? What someone else thinks of me?
[He draws away slightly, curling in on himself just a little.]
...You. Won't need, to carry me, then. I'll stay put. For at least a week. Just as you say.
[ He's messed this up somehow. Noctis isn't sure exactly how, but he has, and he's hurt his feelings right along with it. Ignis has always been better with words, better with people and their feelings, and Noctis comes along and messes it all up the way only he can.
He hesitates, words catching in his throat as he immediately regrets his own response. He should have been gentler, should have put more thought into this, and when Ignis shrinks away Noctis tries to close the distance. ]
Iggy. I'm sorry, I don't -- I would carry you anywhere you want me to, that's not the problem. I would always want to carry you, okay? I just.
[ He takes a breath. Okay, get it together. ] What is this about?
[In a different time and place, with different choices between them, Ignis might have demurred and deflected a question like that. If they were still young, if Noctis was still a sullen teenager and Ignis still too preoccupied with the big picture to remember how to read his prince's nuances, perhaps he would pull away and clam up, and that would be the end of it.
But they've made progress, the two of them. But Noct asked for his trust, asked to set aside their roles of retainer and king, asked to meet him and treat him as an equal.
So when the question comes, Ignis finds an answer, and voices it for his boyfriend's sake — and no one else's.]
It's about me.
[It's not much of a start, but it's something.]
It's — I don't. I don't want to be confined to bed. I don't want to be hurt so badly that I can't keep to my usual routine. I don't...want to be unable to do the things that are a part of me. Of who I am.
It's not about pride. Not about perception. I just...don't want to have to confront how easily something as slight as a sprained ankle can take away my ability to perform everything I know how to do.
Oh, so it's about that. Noctis had come at this all wrong, putting his own take on things on Ignis when it can't be farther from the truth, and now to hear him say this makes his breath catch.
They're trying, they definitely are. Gods know the number of times they had let a fight drag out too long because they were too proud, or Noctis lashed out at him and Ignis would withdraw to lick his wounds. That hadn't been the best way to deal with things, but that was how it worked the longest time.
Now, however, they're trying something new, drawing closer and forging new connections and Ignis is reaching back in his own way as well, making concessions, and Noctis reaches out for his hand to squeeze it.
He doesn't agree, he thinks. He doesn't want Ignis to keep pushing himself, but he definitely understands. It would suck to be helpless, to be confined to bed, especially for someone as hypercompetent and driven as Ignis. It must be scary for him, and Noctis only nods, after a moment, trying not to think about what will happen when -- if -- he loses his sight. ]
Okay.
[ But he can't still it, the worry, the fear that he would be hurt, overwhelming and unrelenting, and he takes another breath. ]
Okay, I'll be with you when you do all these things, but. I'm asking for one day. Just one day where I do things for you, and you sleep.
[ Then: ] You would want the same if it were me, right?
[One day somehow seems so much less daunting than at least a week, which is foolish, perhaps, but he's selfishly grateful for it.
Noct takes his hand, squeezes it, and in doing so reforges the connection between them, taking the first step of reaching so that Ignis doesn't have to, paving the way so that all Ignis has to do is lean back into him and it'll be fine, head on his shoulder and it'll be fine.
Noct isn't wrong, though. He does need to rest, he shouldn't overexert. If their positions were reversed he'd impose exactly the same demand onto Noct, and be far less compromising than Noct is about resistance to it now. So —]
We...can reassess, after one day. If. If it would be best if I spent another on bed rest. We can talk about it, together. After every day, we can reassess what the next day should look like.
[ Ignis is conceding. On his own terms, no less -- Noctis is only starting to be aware of something he wasn't before, the fact that Ignis responds better to soft persuasion than hard pushing. Noctis has to concede and back down from his hardline directive to coax Ignis closer, to draw him into what Noctis believes to be best for Ignis.
If their positions were reversed, Noctis is pretty sure Ignis would pull out all the stops to keep him in bed. And so, with their connection rebuilt, Noctis is musing over this latest, unexpected turn of events; the things they are willing to try for each other after more than ten years of the semi-regular spat.
It's encouraging, too, and Noctis nods. Hell, if they're actually not fighting about this, and if Ignis is extending an olive branch to him (because you bet your ass Noctis is going to get the man to stay in bed for more than one day), Noctis will readily make the most of it. ]
Okay. We'll reassess. And we'll have to agree. Together. And if you need a second or a third day, the door's open for discussion?
[It's a tiny thing, a little bit defeated, but there are slivers of hope inherent in this new arrangement that weren't there before. One day isn't so difficult to get through. There's no sentence handed down from on high that he can't challenge. They'll figure it out together, and they'll talk about it.
At least it's an improvement on their arguments of old, when Noct was a teenager and he was barely out of being one himself, and it seemed as though every time Regis's health took even the slightest turn for the worse, Noct would end up sullen and standoffish and —
...oh.]
I'll need all your help to make a speedy recovery. So...please, watch over me, Noct.
[ Noctis' brows are raised so, so high. He knows he really shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but Noctis asks the question anyway, because that particular sentiment is not something he's ever associated with fiercely independent Ignis before. Besides, he looks like he's just discovered something, and Noctis has to check the urge to look over his shoulder.
Not that he doesn't like it! He does. He appreciates it, because this is the precious extent of trust that he reveals to him. Still... ]
[He glances away, the weight of Noct's surprise proving too heavy for him to carry when he's like this, and folds his hands in his lap as he stares at the tips of the nails on his crossed thumbs.]
Ignoring the feelings of...someone so worried about me.
Ignis looks almost abashed or something, and as Ignis extricates his hand from Noctis', he watches how he folds them, dignified and all. It's hard to catch Ignis when he's undignified, because even in this there is a casual elegance to his movements, things that make Noctis seem clumsy in comparison. ]
Uh. I guess?
[ Is that the right answer? Nevermind. ] But you're the least selfish person I know. Are you getting back into bed?
[He hesitates a minute, then carefully leans over and presses a whisper of a kiss against the edge of Noct's cheek, near the corner of his mouth.]
I'll try to remember not to get up, if you've needed to step away for a moment when I wake up.
[He scoots back up onto the mattress properly, shifting around until he finds a position that lets him keep his ankle immobilized while still being comfortable, and then settles in to let slumber overtake him again.]
[ Ignis is asleep far quicker than Noctis remembers him being, but it's okay -- Ignis is injured, tired and weary, and Noctis is more than happy to fold himself against him, wrapping himself around Ignis protectively, as if by being here he could simply protect him from anything that would come to take him away.
Noctis will, he thinks, with no small amount of determination as he spoons Ignis, and next time around, Ignis will probably be the first of them both to wake. ]
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[He hisses sharply, however, when Noct's fingers touch his ankle, which betrays the damage; even such a light, ginger touch is enough to set the nerves zinging.]
...Please.
[Again, this takes so much out of him, but he curls his fingers in Noct's sleeve and swallows his pride as deep as he can.]
Noct, please. Don't make me resign myself to being...useless. Please.
no subject
[ Noctis says sharply, more sharply than he's intended, and for a moment he's sorry about it. He takes a breath now, trying to get his thoughts in order before he can say it properly. Noctis has never been very good with words, but this demands that he puts thought into it, the care that he feels for Ignis but can never set into words.
Ignis' foot is badly sprained, and he knows it's going to take more than a week for it to be better, and he shakes his head. ]
You're hurt. You need time for it to get better -- it's not a matter of whether you're useless or not, because you never are. Do you get me? You've suffered under the sirens, and nobody's going to blame you for needing a few days to get back on your feet.
no subject
The rejection of his pleading aches almost as much as the humiliation of pleading in the first place; swallowing hard, he ducks his head and stays silent for a moment, chewing on his lower lip until that starts to ache, too.]
Is that what you think this is about? What someone else thinks of me?
[He draws away slightly, curling in on himself just a little.]
...You. Won't need, to carry me, then. I'll stay put. For at least a week. Just as you say.
no subject
He hesitates, words catching in his throat as he immediately regrets his own response. He should have been gentler, should have put more thought into this, and when Ignis shrinks away Noctis tries to close the distance. ]
Iggy. I'm sorry, I don't -- I would carry you anywhere you want me to, that's not the problem. I would always want to carry you, okay? I just.
[ He takes a breath. Okay, get it together. ] What is this about?
no subject
But they've made progress, the two of them. But Noct asked for his trust, asked to set aside their roles of retainer and king, asked to meet him and treat him as an equal.
So when the question comes, Ignis finds an answer, and voices it for his boyfriend's sake — and no one else's.]
It's about me.
[It's not much of a start, but it's something.]
It's — I don't. I don't want to be confined to bed. I don't want to be hurt so badly that I can't keep to my usual routine. I don't...want to be unable to do the things that are a part of me. Of who I am.
It's not about pride. Not about perception. I just...don't want to have to confront how easily something as slight as a sprained ankle can take away my ability to perform everything I know how to do.
no subject
Oh, so it's about that. Noctis had come at this all wrong, putting his own take on things on Ignis when it can't be farther from the truth, and now to hear him say this makes his breath catch.
They're trying, they definitely are. Gods know the number of times they had let a fight drag out too long because they were too proud, or Noctis lashed out at him and Ignis would withdraw to lick his wounds. That hadn't been the best way to deal with things, but that was how it worked the longest time.
Now, however, they're trying something new, drawing closer and forging new connections and Ignis is reaching back in his own way as well, making concessions, and Noctis reaches out for his hand to squeeze it.
He doesn't agree, he thinks. He doesn't want Ignis to keep pushing himself, but he definitely understands. It would suck to be helpless, to be confined to bed, especially for someone as hypercompetent and driven as Ignis. It must be scary for him, and Noctis only nods, after a moment, trying not to think about what will happen when -- if -- he loses his sight. ]
Okay.
[ But he can't still it, the worry, the fear that he would be hurt, overwhelming and unrelenting, and he takes another breath. ]
Okay, I'll be with you when you do all these things, but. I'm asking for one day. Just one day where I do things for you, and you sleep.
[ Then: ] You would want the same if it were me, right?
no subject
Noct takes his hand, squeezes it, and in doing so reforges the connection between them, taking the first step of reaching so that Ignis doesn't have to, paving the way so that all Ignis has to do is lean back into him and it'll be fine, head on his shoulder and it'll be fine.
Noct isn't wrong, though. He does need to rest, he shouldn't overexert. If their positions were reversed he'd impose exactly the same demand onto Noct, and be far less compromising than Noct is about resistance to it now. So —]
We...can reassess, after one day. If. If it would be best if I spent another on bed rest. We can talk about it, together. After every day, we can reassess what the next day should look like.
no subject
If their positions were reversed, Noctis is pretty sure Ignis would pull out all the stops to keep him in bed. And so, with their connection rebuilt, Noctis is musing over this latest, unexpected turn of events; the things they are willing to try for each other after more than ten years of the semi-regular spat.
It's encouraging, too, and Noctis nods. Hell, if they're actually not fighting about this, and if Ignis is extending an olive branch to him (because you bet your ass Noctis is going to get the man to stay in bed for more than one day), Noctis will readily make the most of it. ]
Okay. We'll reassess. And we'll have to agree. Together. And if you need a second or a third day, the door's open for discussion?
no subject
[It's a tiny thing, a little bit defeated, but there are slivers of hope inherent in this new arrangement that weren't there before. One day isn't so difficult to get through. There's no sentence handed down from on high that he can't challenge. They'll figure it out together, and they'll talk about it.
At least it's an improvement on their arguments of old, when Noct was a teenager and he was barely out of being one himself, and it seemed as though every time Regis's health took even the slightest turn for the worse, Noct would end up sullen and standoffish and —
...oh.]
I'll need all your help to make a speedy recovery. So...please, watch over me, Noct.
no subject
[ Noctis' brows are raised so, so high. He knows he really shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but Noctis asks the question anyway, because that particular sentiment is not something he's ever associated with fiercely independent Ignis before. Besides, he looks like he's just discovered something, and Noctis has to check the urge to look over his shoulder.
Not that he doesn't like it! He does. He appreciates it, because this is the precious extent of trust that he reveals to him. Still... ]
no subject
[He glances away, the weight of Noct's surprise proving too heavy for him to carry when he's like this, and folds his hands in his lap as he stares at the tips of the nails on his crossed thumbs.]
Ignoring the feelings of...someone so worried about me.
no subject
Ignis looks almost abashed or something, and as Ignis extricates his hand from Noctis', he watches how he folds them, dignified and all. It's hard to catch Ignis when he's undignified, because even in this there is a casual elegance to his movements, things that make Noctis seem clumsy in comparison. ]
Uh. I guess?
[ Is that the right answer? Nevermind. ] But you're the least selfish person I know. Are you getting back into bed?
no subject
[He hesitates a minute, then carefully leans over and presses a whisper of a kiss against the edge of Noct's cheek, near the corner of his mouth.]
I'll try to remember not to get up, if you've needed to step away for a moment when I wake up.
[He scoots back up onto the mattress properly, shifting around until he finds a position that lets him keep his ankle immobilized while still being comfortable, and then settles in to let slumber overtake him again.]
no subject
Noctis will, he thinks, with no small amount of determination as he spoons Ignis, and next time around, Ignis will probably be the first of them both to wake. ]