Actually, last I saw of it, the person in question was siding with me over him, and Ardyn attacked him for it — so no, I doubt he'll find it a favorable comparison.
[But it manages to coax a hint of a smile from the corner of Ignis's mouth anyway, less from the talk of Ravus and more just from the fact that he can see where this is headed.]
For what it's worth, it wasn't a particular hardship to bear the brunt of your attentions. I found it rather flattering, really.
[ Shiro's sigh is fuelled by the heat creeping up the back of his neck and ears. ]
I know I was under the influence of ... something, and you're a good man so you don't expect an apology, but I wanted to offer one anyway. I'm sorry about the way I behaved, it was inappropriate. [ Shiro wouldn't need an apology from someone in his situation either, and yet. ] I appreciate everything that you and Keith did to keep me stable and safe.
Oh, we're in complete agreement that it was utterly inappropriate. That said, there are worse ways to spend an afternoon.
[His smile widens, just a little.]
But it's fine, believe me. And as apologies go, I likely owe your friend Keith one, myself. I don't think he appreciated the rather, ah...possessive stance I took toward you, when he first turned up looking for you.
[ Why can't black holes randomly appear and suck out a man's soul so he can't feel like a pervert for hounding another man for his hot bod. Why not. ]
Keith has saved me from some sticky situations in the past, he doesn't like it when his friends are out of reach. It's one of his best qualities. [ A hand waves dismissively. ] He doesn't hold a grudge. In fact, I think you scored brownie points with him for taking in Captain Hot-Mess the way you did.
[ The mirth softens his smile, grey eyes warm on Ignis. ]
You were good to me, I won't forget that. Neither of us will.
Then I daresay Keith and I have rather a lot in common, in that respect. I wouldn't have let a stranger stop me, if I'd been the one in his position.
[A quiet beat.]
I wouldn't have let walls stop me if I'd been the one in his position, frankly.
[Ignis Scientia, liberator of an entire Imperial-occupied city, mostly as a side effect of trying to get to his king.]
I hope the self-deprecation is to make you feel more at ease, and not to try to bait me into flattering you. I'll flatter you entirely of my own accord, thank you very much.
[ See, he had a perfectly good reply and then Ignis had to go and fluster him all over again. ]
Bait —? No! I would never, I wouldn't — that's not how I meant to come off.
[ Sheesh. Can he live behind his facepalm, at least? Oh god, does Ignis fancy him? Is this real life? The last time a man wanted to flatter him it was literal years ago, he's out of practice. ]
If it makes you feel better, prior to my current relationship I'd not been the subject of anyone's romantic interest...well, ever, really. I've never had much of a personal life to begin with; my work always took first precedence.
[ The flat look Shiro gives him says he could have said those exact words about work meaning more than romantic relationships and meant every one. It's not in his nature to share personal details at the drop of a hat but Ignis was unfortunately yeeted into the deep end, so it can't be all that weird to get the guy's history laid out on a platter in return. It could be a friendly gesture to make Shiro feel more at ease. ]
Adam was my first real partner. [ The details aren't owed, he knows, but it feels better to be on the level with Ignis (who is with Prompto, Shiro assumes from his earlier protectiveness), and Shiro is comfortable enough with the fire crackling away in his own house to divulge a bit more, this time on his terms and not that of a fever. ] We broke up under unfriendly circumstances, then I left Earth on a mission. When I came back he was dead, we never got to ... to reconcile our differences.
Oh, I never fish. That happens to be my boyfriend's talent, not mine.
[Unless it's fishing for details, which he knows is what Shiro meant, which is entirely not the point. The point is, Shiro's right; this is about trying to garner information, because that's simply what Ignis does and it's not really a habit that he can just up and turn off. Knowledge is power, and anything new he learns is useful, and anything he can coax out of a new potential ally is significant.
...And yet. Normally, he wouldn't be this open about his own experiences in return, would he? There are better tactics for extracting information, so why this one?
It dawns on him, slowly, that this may be the first time in a year that he's actually just sat and...talked with someone that he didn't on some level feel maternally responsible for. No one's really managed to occupy a space like this since —
...
Gladio. It's like talking to Gladio. Except that even here, he can be more honest, because Shiro isn't like Gladio, isn't tied up in duty to Noctis like they both are, isn't a part of the things that Ignis sometimes needs to find release from.]
I...had suspected as much, from your reaction. You have my condolences.
[He debates asking about the mission, which seems to have been the source of the divide, but then decides against going after it directly. It's clearly a sore spot, and Shiro seems to have enough of those already.]
Back home, I...never focused much on "missed opportunities". I chose the course of my life at a young age, and I accepted that wholeheartedly. I understood, or so I told myself, that it would come with sacrifices.
[He shrugs a little.]
I don't regret any of it. But occasionally Prompto will point out some staple of childhood that I never participated in, because of my choices, and I'll come to realize that my own was quite the atypical childhood, what little of one I had to begin with.
You knew what you wanted and you went for it. If I'd known you when I was little, I might have looked up to you a lot.
[ It doesn't come as any surprise that Ignis, seemingly responsible to a fault, had a solemn youth spent doggedly following one ideal. He isn't a bad person for it, it just makes more sense when putting his loyalty to Prompto in perspective from a new angle.
Shiro bites his lip, attention sliding to the pop of the caged fire. ]
Keith ... He knew me when I was ill, before things changed for me back home. [ Details he won't delve into just yet. There is mild wonder in his voice when he talks about his best friend, softened in tone. ] He saw me when I was in pain because of a disease I was born with, that's why I'm so grateful to you for taking both of us in like you did. I used to hide the worst of it from him. You didn't know it, but you were saving him from shouldering a responsibility that was pretty scary for him: me, just ... being sick again, for whatever reason. I never wanted him to have to deal with me like that.
[Which is a subtle difference, but one that he's come to learn is infinitely significant, a revelation he's had only so very recently. He's never doubted that this tenure in service to the crown, serving Noct, is what he wants. It is, and that will never change. And when he was six years old, and the question was do you want this, the answer had been "yes" then, too.
But sometimes he wonders if it was the only thing he would've wanted, over the years. There's a difference between "The thing I want" and "The only thing I want", after all. He can say with absolute certainty that this is the life that he wanted, and he wouldn't take it back.
But sometimes he wonders what it must feel like to not know precisely what one wants to do with the rest of their life. To examine a field of options and try them all. Maybe there would've been something different he wanted, too. Opening his own restaurant, like Coctura and Weskham had each done. Teaching, maybe. A doctor; he could've been a doctor, perhaps.
He could've wanted a lot of things, maybe. But in his life he's only ever wanted the one.]
I can't help but observe that you're speaking of the disease in past tense. Can I...presume that a treatment was discovered, then?
[ Shiro always knew what he wanted from the moment he first saw the stars; to touch them, then to fly with them, and that was what gave him the impetus to ignore the limits of each diagnoses. Pushing himself further, working for the fittest body he could purely so it would take him to space as many times as possible before his broken biology gave up and betrayed his heart.
At some point, he started wanting to give those same stars to Keith. They didn't mean anything without him. ]
It was a degenerative disease, nothing contagious. [ The deja-vu of needing to make that point when someone used to find out, setting them at peace of mind even before they felt the need to ask, is easier than he remembers it being. No one Ignis loves would have caught anything. ] Nerve damage, rapid onset muscular atrophy that would have killed me by thirty or so. Keith saw it beginning to take hold, occasionally.
[ Swallowing, he finds his appetite for the casserole has vanished, leaving a heavy weight in his stomach. ]
There was no cure, but I'm fine now. That's cryptic, sorry.
At the risk of sounding...patronizing. I understand the feeling of knowing that something debilitating awaits you in your future, and being forced to decide whether to simply accept it, or to struggle against what may well prove to be inevitable.
[Iggy, your eyes!, Prompto had said, so surprised when they'd first met up with each other. What happened? You can see! — as though there'd been the expectation that, for some reason, he couldn't.]
I realize we've only just met, and that this is truly none of my business. However, given that you likely do owe me some debt of gratitude for taking you in when you arrived here in the condition you were in, I'm going to forego propriety and simply ask bluntly.
[He glances up, fixing Shiro with a steady look.]
"I'm fine" is what people say to set others at ease, not to describe their own condition. So tell me plainly. Is this something that's going to afflict you again?
[ You're all clear, the doctors had said upon his return to Earth. He had known it but never believed it since Haggar experimented on him so he could carry the Galran arm, fixing his body so it could carry her work. Be worthy of it, Champion. Turned out all his clones were given a fresh breath of life minus his disease ... or they would have, if all but one out of the hundreds hadn't burned up in a planet's atmosphere. Now there is just him and his body (it can't be theirs when both minds are melded into one, he reasons to stay sane) and so much time in which to live he can't wrap his head around it. Sometimes when he gets a phantom cramp, he stupidly panics and habit makes him touch his prosthetic wrist for the muscle relaxant bracelet. ]
It can't come back.
[ This isn't the body that bore it. Sitting quietly with Ignis, there's a kind of peace, a weak smile making Shiro reach out a boot to nudge Ignis's shoe. ]
I'm okay, Ignis, I promise. Now you're really starting to sound like Adam.
[ So worried, concern burrowed deep in the marrow of his bones so that eventually, by the time they grew apart and he made Shiro choose between him or his own dreams, Shiro couldn't see anything in those hazel eyes except for a reminder about his condition. ]
What I sound like is someone who's spent more than enough time around well-meaning young men with a penchant for self-martyrdom to have learned their tricks and proclivities. I'm well-versed at spotting them; I see one every morning in the mirror.
[His smile here is wry, but it's there. A boot bumps against his shoe, and after a second he bumps it right back.]
I appreciate the clarification, however. It's good to know it's no longer a concern.
For someone who claims to not be looking for romantic attention, you certainly don't seem to have a problem with soliciting it.
[his soul is ascending. SASSMASTERY. the true flavor of friendship and oh god it's been so long since he's been able to have a conversation like this, with no ramifications and no ulterior motive and twisted senses of humor the whole way down.]
You and Keith should come to dinner sometime. You've hardly any excuse not to; we live in the same district.
It's a lot easier knowing you're too good of a man to take me up on it.
[ There's safety in knowing he can let a little attitude out and not give the wrong impression, Ignis being with Prompto is something of a weird relief. ]
Definitely, although you'll have Kosmo coming too. We couldn't leave him behind. You're not allergic to, uh, canines?
...Well. I have a cat and quite a few resident birds. Is Kosmo the, ah, rather large creature I saw accompanying Keith the day I met you both? It seems to have the rather unusual talent of teleporting.
[For a guy capable of pulling shit out of thin air and taking it for granted, he certainly seems wary about the teleporting business.]
Does he insist on being fed from the table? I certainly hope not.
Make that joke around Prompto and I'll have your head on a platter.
[He says it pleasantly enough, but even with the hyperbole clearly present, there's still a note of nonchalance that suggests he's not entirely kidding.]
He's attached to the species, to say the least. Ours are all full-grown, and fit to bear a rider, but his is still a chick. Quite cute, and quite defenseless.
[ #YIKES, safe to say Shiro doesn't intend to traumatise Prompto or have Ignis boil his balls into a pleasant stew for daring. ]
Kosmo won't hurt them, he's ... intuitive. More with Keith, as I say, but space wolves apparently have a habit of teleporting people to where they think they need to be. He's smart enough not to eat a pet.
Ah, so that's what that was about. Yes, the first time I saw it — Kosmo, as you say — he'd just teleported into my vicinity, I presume to find Keith. Then he beat me to the house where I had you resting, so I presume that was a teleport again.
[It's reassuring to hear, though, that Kosmo is a good wolf like you wanted. He's got no real objection to one, so long as it doesn't try to be the fox in the figurative henhouse.]
You should try riding one sometime. Chocobo racing is actually quite popular, where we're from; though ours aren't explicitly bred for racing, they're fairly capable of holding their own both in sprints and in distance travel.
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[But it manages to coax a hint of a smile from the corner of Ignis's mouth anyway, less from the talk of Ravus and more just from the fact that he can see where this is headed.]
For what it's worth, it wasn't a particular hardship to bear the brunt of your attentions. I found it rather flattering, really.
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I know I was under the influence of ... something, and you're a good man so you don't expect an apology, but I wanted to offer one anyway. I'm sorry about the way I behaved, it was inappropriate. [ Shiro wouldn't need an apology from someone in his situation either, and yet. ] I appreciate everything that you and Keith did to keep me stable and safe.
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[His smile widens, just a little.]
But it's fine, believe me. And as apologies go, I likely owe your friend Keith one, myself. I don't think he appreciated the rather, ah...possessive stance I took toward you, when he first turned up looking for you.
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Keith has saved me from some sticky situations in the past, he doesn't like it when his friends are out of reach. It's one of his best qualities. [ A hand waves dismissively. ] He doesn't hold a grudge. In fact, I think you scored brownie points with him for taking in Captain Hot-Mess the way you did.
[ The mirth softens his smile, grey eyes warm on Ignis. ]
You were good to me, I won't forget that. Neither of us will.
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[A quiet beat.]
I wouldn't have let walls stop me if I'd been the one in his position, frankly.
[Ignis Scientia, liberator of an entire Imperial-occupied city, mostly as a side effect of trying to get to his king.]
I hope the self-deprecation is to make you feel more at ease, and not to try to bait me into flattering you. I'll flatter you entirely of my own accord, thank you very much.
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Bait —? No! I would never, I wouldn't — that's not how I meant to come off.
[ Sheesh. Can he live behind his facepalm, at least? Oh god, does Ignis fancy him? Is this real life? The last time a man wanted to flatter him it was literal years ago, he's out of practice. ]
I'm, um, not really looking for ...
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[Very, very, very, very very taken. Since as long as he can remember, taken. Since the day he first laid eyes on his prince, taken.]
For a pilot, navigator, and captain of your own space vessel, you're remarkably easy to fluster, Shiro.
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I don't all that often have handsome men saying they'll flatter me whenever they feel like it! You're a troll, Ignis. No mint tea for you ever, buddy.
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[Says this guy.]
If it makes you feel better, prior to my current relationship I'd not been the subject of anyone's romantic interest...well, ever, really. I've never had much of a personal life to begin with; my work always took first precedence.
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[ The flat look Shiro gives him says he could have said those exact words about work meaning more than romantic relationships and meant every one. It's not in his nature to share personal details at the drop of a hat but Ignis was unfortunately yeeted into the deep end, so it can't be all that weird to get the guy's history laid out on a platter in return. It could be a friendly gesture to make Shiro feel more at ease. ]
Adam was my first real partner. [ The details aren't owed, he knows, but it feels better to be on the level with Ignis (who is with Prompto, Shiro assumes from his earlier protectiveness), and Shiro is comfortable enough with the fire crackling away in his own house to divulge a bit more, this time on his terms and not that of a fever. ] We broke up under unfriendly circumstances, then I left Earth on a mission. When I came back he was dead, we never got to ... to reconcile our differences.
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[Unless it's fishing for details, which he knows is what Shiro meant, which is entirely not the point. The point is, Shiro's right; this is about trying to garner information, because that's simply what Ignis does and it's not really a habit that he can just up and turn off. Knowledge is power, and anything new he learns is useful, and anything he can coax out of a new potential ally is significant.
...And yet. Normally, he wouldn't be this open about his own experiences in return, would he? There are better tactics for extracting information, so why this one?
It dawns on him, slowly, that this may be the first time in a year that he's actually just sat and...talked with someone that he didn't on some level feel maternally responsible for. No one's really managed to occupy a space like this since —
...
Gladio. It's like talking to Gladio. Except that even here, he can be more honest, because Shiro isn't like Gladio, isn't tied up in duty to Noctis like they both are, isn't a part of the things that Ignis sometimes needs to find release from.]
I...had suspected as much, from your reaction. You have my condolences.
[He debates asking about the mission, which seems to have been the source of the divide, but then decides against going after it directly. It's clearly a sore spot, and Shiro seems to have enough of those already.]
Back home, I...never focused much on "missed opportunities". I chose the course of my life at a young age, and I accepted that wholeheartedly. I understood, or so I told myself, that it would come with sacrifices.
[He shrugs a little.]
I don't regret any of it. But occasionally Prompto will point out some staple of childhood that I never participated in, because of my choices, and I'll come to realize that my own was quite the atypical childhood, what little of one I had to begin with.
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You knew what you wanted and you went for it. If I'd known you when I was little, I might have looked up to you a lot.
[ It doesn't come as any surprise that Ignis, seemingly responsible to a fault, had a solemn youth spent doggedly following one ideal. He isn't a bad person for it, it just makes more sense when putting his loyalty to Prompto in perspective from a new angle.
Shiro bites his lip, attention sliding to the pop of the caged fire. ]
Keith ... He knew me when I was ill, before things changed for me back home. [ Details he won't delve into just yet. There is mild wonder in his voice when he talks about his best friend, softened in tone. ] He saw me when I was in pain because of a disease I was born with, that's why I'm so grateful to you for taking both of us in like you did. I used to hide the worst of it from him. You didn't know it, but you were saving him from shouldering a responsibility that was pretty scary for him: me, just ... being sick again, for whatever reason. I never wanted him to have to deal with me like that.
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[Which is a subtle difference, but one that he's come to learn is infinitely significant, a revelation he's had only so very recently. He's never doubted that this tenure in service to the crown, serving Noct, is what he wants. It is, and that will never change. And when he was six years old, and the question was do you want this, the answer had been "yes" then, too.
But sometimes he wonders if it was the only thing he would've wanted, over the years. There's a difference between "The thing I want" and "The only thing I want", after all. He can say with absolute certainty that this is the life that he wanted, and he wouldn't take it back.
But sometimes he wonders what it must feel like to not know precisely what one wants to do with the rest of their life. To examine a field of options and try them all. Maybe there would've been something different he wanted, too. Opening his own restaurant, like Coctura and Weskham had each done. Teaching, maybe. A doctor; he could've been a doctor, perhaps.
He could've wanted a lot of things, maybe. But in his life he's only ever wanted the one.]
I can't help but observe that you're speaking of the disease in past tense. Can I...presume that a treatment was discovered, then?
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At some point, he started wanting to give those same stars to Keith. They didn't mean anything without him. ]
It was a degenerative disease, nothing contagious. [ The deja-vu of needing to make that point when someone used to find out, setting them at peace of mind even before they felt the need to ask, is easier than he remembers it being. No one Ignis loves would have caught anything. ] Nerve damage, rapid onset muscular atrophy that would have killed me by thirty or so. Keith saw it beginning to take hold, occasionally.
[ Swallowing, he finds his appetite for the casserole has vanished, leaving a heavy weight in his stomach. ]
There was no cure, but I'm fine now. That's cryptic, sorry.
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[Iggy, your eyes!, Prompto had said, so surprised when they'd first met up with each other. What happened? You can see! — as though there'd been the expectation that, for some reason, he couldn't.]
I realize we've only just met, and that this is truly none of my business. However, given that you likely do owe me some debt of gratitude for taking you in when you arrived here in the condition you were in, I'm going to forego propriety and simply ask bluntly.
[He glances up, fixing Shiro with a steady look.]
"I'm fine" is what people say to set others at ease, not to describe their own condition. So tell me plainly. Is this something that's going to afflict you again?
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It can't come back.
[ This isn't the body that bore it. Sitting quietly with Ignis, there's a kind of peace, a weak smile making Shiro reach out a boot to nudge Ignis's shoe. ]
I'm okay, Ignis, I promise. Now you're really starting to sound like Adam.
[ So worried, concern burrowed deep in the marrow of his bones so that eventually, by the time they grew apart and he made Shiro choose between him or his own dreams, Shiro couldn't see anything in those hazel eyes except for a reminder about his condition. ]
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[His smile here is wry, but it's there. A boot bumps against his shoe, and after a second he bumps it right back.]
I appreciate the clarification, however. It's good to know it's no longer a concern.
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Are you saying you're happy to have me around for a while longer? I didn't expect the flattery to start so soon.
[ Takashi "once was an actual little sassmaster" Shirogane. ]
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[his soul is ascending. SASSMASTERY. the true flavor of friendship and oh god it's been so long since he's been able to have a conversation like this, with no ramifications and no ulterior motive and twisted senses of humor the whole way down.]
You and Keith should come to dinner sometime. You've hardly any excuse not to; we live in the same district.
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[ There's safety in knowing he can let a little attitude out and not give the wrong impression, Ignis being with Prompto is something of a weird relief. ]
Definitely, although you'll have Kosmo coming too. We couldn't leave him behind. You're not allergic to, uh, canines?
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[For a guy capable of pulling shit out of thin air and taking it for granted, he certainly seems wary about the teleporting business.]
Does he insist on being fed from the table? I certainly hope not.
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[ Two little wolves, really. ]
Only devoured a couple hundred chocobos so far.
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[He says it pleasantly enough, but even with the hyperbole clearly present, there's still a note of nonchalance that suggests he's not entirely kidding.]
He's attached to the species, to say the least. Ours are all full-grown, and fit to bear a rider, but his is still a chick. Quite cute, and quite defenseless.
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Kosmo won't hurt them, he's ... intuitive. More with Keith, as I say, but space wolves apparently have a habit of teleporting people to where they think they need to be. He's smart enough not to eat a pet.
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[It's reassuring to hear, though, that Kosmo is a good wolf like you wanted. He's got no real objection to one, so long as it doesn't try to be the fox in the figurative henhouse.]
You should try riding one sometime. Chocobo racing is actually quite popular, where we're from; though ours aren't explicitly bred for racing, they're fairly capable of holding their own both in sprints and in distance travel.
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