...I think that's the first time I've heard you say that.
[There's something in him that tenses, just slightly, when Noct moves his hand to the scars — apprehension toward himself, from fear of being too rough or hurting him when he knows how touchy Noct is about his back — but he quickly relaxes again, melting just a little under the kisses Noct offers and settling into holding him comfortably.]
I...know you've heard me say it, and often. But this is the first I've heard you agree to it.
[Because he hasn't forgotten the other times it's come up. Tell me to save you, and you know that I will — and Noct hadn't answered him, hadn't said a word.]
[ They don't talk about it because Noctis doesn't want to -- because he has way too many issues and hangups about this, and even through his own confusion and dismay and fear and pain he doesn't want Ignis and Prompto both to destroy themselves for his sake. Ignis is bound to carry his deepest confession and fears and charge at the fates themselves if it would save Noctis' life.
But what then, if he is saved? Won't he end up condemning the rest of the world along with his choice? His love would destroy the world. He feels Ignis tense then relax, and he's taking a deep breath, as if to brace himself for what he means to say next. ]
I don't agree with anything that leads you to hurt yourself.
[ In the end, they work at cross-purposes. Noctis would have Ignis at least care for himself, and Ignis would give up everything for Noctis' sake. ]
[And just like that, unknowingly, Ignis Scientia moved one step further away from slamming the Ring of the Lucii on in the midst of a crisis.
He ducks his head, leaning into Noct again, and this time he's just a little bit careless with his kisses — not particularly concerned with where precisely they end up, letting his lips simply make contact with Noct's face wherever they happen to land.]
It would hurt me to allow you to come to harm, you realize.
[He's not arguing; it's too offhand for that. Just an absentminded remark, while he's preoccupied with lavishing kisses on him.]
[ ...well, that's definitely a dilemma he's considered. Ignis hurting himself for Noctis is unacceptable, but Noctis getting hurt would definitely hurt Ignis, and he still hasn't figured a way out of it yet, a way where everyone wins and no one has to be wounded.
He swallows hard, breath catching in the light of Ignis' simmering passion, his hands coming to slide up Ignis' broad back, splaying possessively over it. He's returning his kisses with a soft, low moan, parting his mouth just for him. ]
Tell me... what do I do in order not to hurt you? Or Prompto...? Or anyone.
[It's such a soft thing, the way he says it, and they've touched on this subject before, briefly, but it's different this time, different because Ignis isn't begging and his voice isn't heavy with distress. He's not wrung out with the agony of believing he's going to lose the one person he loves most in this world; he's not desperately grasping at any means he can think of to prevent it.
None of that has gone away, of course. But he's more subdued now, more focused on simply holding Noctis in his arms, treating him to the gentleness of being encompassed with love, and treating himself to the pleasure of offering it neither selfishly nor selflessly, but with just the right amount of balance between the two.]
Meet me in the middle. Don't resign yourself to leaving me. And in return I won't kill myself from trying to keep you.
[ This is new. He blinks up at him in surprise and the oddest sense of hope, that maybe this wouldn't end up in heartbreak after all. Ignis won't kill himself trying to keep him, and for this Noctis is grateful, relieved, even, because he loves Ignis too much to condemn him, too, to a life of everlasting darkness.
He grips him tighter, feeling something shift inside him, softening and opening up a little more. Stay with me. Noctis is holding him, too, treasuring this man, cherishing everything Ignis has given up for his sake, grateful for the warmth and presence of him. What the hell would he ever do without Ignis? He echoes the love, too, settling within the balance because he's tired of being selfish and selfless both. It's exhausting, and in Ignis he finds a measure of peace. ]
I'll try. I'm -- Ignis, I wish... there was another way.
[It's a struggle, to keep his voice even, when he wants so badly to insist on it. He wants to fight for Noctis, wants to throw himself bodily into trying to keep him, into defending him from everything — but they've been down that road before, and he knows already where it ends.
This time is quieter. This time, perhaps they'll get it right — or at least, righter than they've gotten it before.]
[ And if there isn't? Noctis is dying to ask, but he dreads the answer when he can't even bring himself to register his own. The disappointment would be too much -- and he presses his face to his neck, desperate to hide himself in him.
He's not a saviour, or a prince, or a king right now. Right now he just wants to be someone normal with the extraordinary man that he loves. ]
This love of ours was born itself from the both of us choosing to take a chance on happiness.
[His voice is soft as he gathers Noct up, letting him hide, holding him close and presenting as much of a steady support as he can.]
It meant overstepping my boundaries as your advisor. Meant risking our existing bond on the chance of a different one. We could've chosen to simply accept things the way that they were, and always wondered what might have been.
[He turns his head, chuffing a kiss against Noct's hair.]
We took the chance on each other once. Couldn't it be worth it, to take a chance again?
[ Noctis doesn't hide for much longer, looking up at his words when he presses kisses in his hair. His hands come up now, because Ignis' words make sense -- damn it, he does make sense, and that's what he loves and hates most about him. They took a chance together on this, and look where they are now. Noctis is happier than he's ever been in a long time, so maybe, just maybe, they could try it.
He cups his face in sword-calloused hands, thumbs smoothing over those lovely cheekbones as he looks upon him, casting his own anxiety to the side, just for a little while. His eyes, gods, his eyes are so beautiful. ]
So we have to try. And -- and if it doesn't work... at least you know that I really, really love you.
No matter what we do, Noct, I know that you really, really love me.
[He pauses, averting his eyes just for a second, and then lets them drift back as, not for the first time and not for the last, he allows just a hint of blasphemy to touch his lips.]
And whatever else you might do, for love of the world and everyone in it...I'll always know that you loved me just a little bit more than everyone else.
[ Oh. Oh, that's a cheeky one, Ignis. He laughs a little, softly, and he's leaning up to kiss him. ]
Never thought you'd say that.
[ Because isn't his Ignis all about decorum and what's politically correct? He likes this saucy, wicked part of him, and he pushes away the bittersweet longing, the small, traitorous thoughts of why, just why can't he have something normal and good with the man that he loves. ]
I do love you a chunk more than anyone else. [ He's pressing his forehead to his. ]
And if we succeed, you're gonna get the dubious gift of me growing all old and wrinkly. With a beard. [ He pauses. ] Do you like beards?
[ Noctis protests, but then his hand is sliding down Ignis' smooth jaw, stroking over his chin, before he presses a kiss over it briefly because god, Ignis is really beautiful. ]
Have you ever tried? I don't think I've ever seen you with as much as a shadow.
I've not. I look hideous with one, for one thing, and it makes me look like a child pretending at being older than I am, for another. Not the sort of image I wanted around the Citadel.
[He purrs softly at being petted, tilting his head to accept the kiss he's offered.]
So I make certain to groom myself properly. As is right to do.
[ Why hasn't Ignis told him? But Noctis is happy to keep Ignis purring, happy to share these precious moments of intimacy between them in the wake of what is almost certainly some sort of progress. ]
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no subject
[There's something in him that tenses, just slightly, when Noct moves his hand to the scars — apprehension toward himself, from fear of being too rough or hurting him when he knows how touchy Noct is about his back — but he quickly relaxes again, melting just a little under the kisses Noct offers and settling into holding him comfortably.]
I...know you've heard me say it, and often. But this is the first I've heard you agree to it.
[Because he hasn't forgotten the other times it's come up. Tell me to save you, and you know that I will — and Noct hadn't answered him, hadn't said a word.]
no subject
But what then, if he is saved? Won't he end up condemning the rest of the world along with his choice? His love would destroy the world. He feels Ignis tense then relax, and he's taking a deep breath, as if to brace himself for what he means to say next. ]
I don't agree with anything that leads you to hurt yourself.
[ In the end, they work at cross-purposes. Noctis would have Ignis at least care for himself, and Ignis would give up everything for Noctis' sake. ]
no subject
He ducks his head, leaning into Noct again, and this time he's just a little bit careless with his kisses — not particularly concerned with where precisely they end up, letting his lips simply make contact with Noct's face wherever they happen to land.]
It would hurt me to allow you to come to harm, you realize.
[He's not arguing; it's too offhand for that. Just an absentminded remark, while he's preoccupied with lavishing kisses on him.]
no subject
He swallows hard, breath catching in the light of Ignis' simmering passion, his hands coming to slide up Ignis' broad back, splaying possessively over it. He's returning his kisses with a soft, low moan, parting his mouth just for him. ]
Tell me... what do I do in order not to hurt you? Or Prompto...? Or anyone.
no subject
[It's such a soft thing, the way he says it, and they've touched on this subject before, briefly, but it's different this time, different because Ignis isn't begging and his voice isn't heavy with distress. He's not wrung out with the agony of believing he's going to lose the one person he loves most in this world; he's not desperately grasping at any means he can think of to prevent it.
None of that has gone away, of course. But he's more subdued now, more focused on simply holding Noctis in his arms, treating him to the gentleness of being encompassed with love, and treating himself to the pleasure of offering it neither selfishly nor selflessly, but with just the right amount of balance between the two.]
Meet me in the middle. Don't resign yourself to leaving me. And in return I won't kill myself from trying to keep you.
no subject
[ This is new. He blinks up at him in surprise and the oddest sense of hope, that maybe this wouldn't end up in heartbreak after all. Ignis won't kill himself trying to keep him, and for this Noctis is grateful, relieved, even, because he loves Ignis too much to condemn him, too, to a life of everlasting darkness.
He grips him tighter, feeling something shift inside him, softening and opening up a little more. Stay with me. Noctis is holding him, too, treasuring this man, cherishing everything Ignis has given up for his sake, grateful for the warmth and presence of him. What the hell would he ever do without Ignis? He echoes the love, too, settling within the balance because he's tired of being selfish and selfless both. It's exhausting, and in Ignis he finds a measure of peace. ]
I'll try. I'm -- Ignis, I wish... there was another way.
no subject
[It's a struggle, to keep his voice even, when he wants so badly to insist on it. He wants to fight for Noctis, wants to throw himself bodily into trying to keep him, into defending him from everything — but they've been down that road before, and he knows already where it ends.
This time is quieter. This time, perhaps they'll get it right — or at least, righter than they've gotten it before.]
Are you willing to look for it, with me?
no subject
He's not a saviour, or a prince, or a king right now. Right now he just wants to be someone normal with the extraordinary man that he loves. ]
Do you think it's the right thing to do?
no subject
[His voice is soft as he gathers Noct up, letting him hide, holding him close and presenting as much of a steady support as he can.]
It meant overstepping my boundaries as your advisor. Meant risking our existing bond on the chance of a different one. We could've chosen to simply accept things the way that they were, and always wondered what might have been.
[He turns his head, chuffing a kiss against Noct's hair.]
We took the chance on each other once. Couldn't it be worth it, to take a chance again?
no subject
He cups his face in sword-calloused hands, thumbs smoothing over those lovely cheekbones as he looks upon him, casting his own anxiety to the side, just for a little while. His eyes, gods, his eyes are so beautiful. ]
So we have to try. And -- and if it doesn't work... at least you know that I really, really love you.
no subject
[He pauses, averting his eyes just for a second, and then lets them drift back as, not for the first time and not for the last, he allows just a hint of blasphemy to touch his lips.]
And whatever else you might do, for love of the world and everyone in it...I'll always know that you loved me just a little bit more than everyone else.
no subject
Never thought you'd say that.
[ Because isn't his Ignis all about decorum and what's politically correct? He likes this saucy, wicked part of him, and he pushes away the bittersweet longing, the small, traitorous thoughts of why, just why can't he have something normal and good with the man that he loves. ]
I do love you a chunk more than anyone else. [ He's pressing his forehead to his. ]
And if we succeed, you're gonna get the dubious gift of me growing all old and wrinkly. With a beard. [ He pauses. ] Do you like beards?
no subject
[He'll look like his father if he does, Ignis knows, which is precisely why he doesn't say that part of it.]
Shall I grow one as well?
no subject
[ Noctis protests, but then his hand is sliding down Ignis' smooth jaw, stroking over his chin, before he presses a kiss over it briefly because god, Ignis is really beautiful. ]
Have you ever tried? I don't think I've ever seen you with as much as a shadow.
no subject
[He purrs softly at being petted, tilting his head to accept the kiss he's offered.]
So I make certain to groom myself properly. As is right to do.
no subject
[ Why hasn't Ignis told him? But Noctis is happy to keep Ignis purring, happy to share these precious moments of intimacy between them in the wake of what is almost certainly some sort of progress. ]